29

I'm not a big fan of birthdays (my own). I must admit the last couple I've had have been great (thanks to Joe and the kids). But before that, my birthday always seemed to land during exam blocks and assignments, so I was always either studying for an exam, doing an exam or recovering from some horrible flu due to late nights of study and assignments. So I always kinda dreaded it. Now that my study days are over (phew!) I dread it for another reason. The aging reason.

So I've been 29 for two days now. I don't feel any different, nor do I look any different, from 2 days ago, so why the heck was I freaking out about it so much? Thank goodness Joe is older than me, because when I kept feeling down about it, I would just tell my-self "well at least your not turning 31 like Joe!"
Trust me, it is not a vanity thing cos quite frankly I think I could pass for a 21 year old, right???? Ok, maybe not while I'm plodding along with two toddlers or a baby bump, but if you minus all that, and add a little make-up to disguise the sleep derivation, I reckon I could pass... just.

To be honest, I have no idea why I'm so against getting close to 30. There's just something about it. "30" aaah, I don't even like saying it. I think I feel sad and anxious that my 20's are nearly gone and I find myself asking "Where did they go?!" Sometimes I feel like I haven't done enough, or seen enough or lived enough! But then the more I think about it (a lot the last couple of days), the more I realise "heck, I've done plenty!"

Sure, I haven't travelled the world (real pitty), spend tons of money on myself and on what ever I wanted (though Joe would differ), partied all night and woken up at midday just because I can (I promise, not even in my youth could I do this), gone to fancy restaurants, and I mean those real fancy ones (not Sizzlers), nor have I been  a sucessful career woman ( I would probably only do it for the classy fashion and shoes anyway). But I have done a lot more other stuff, that I'm really proud of and should therefore be positive about. So that's what I'm trying to focus on, the good, positive, worth while, little-bit mushy stuff, I've achieved in my 20's.

Firstly, I got married (surely that's huge!). Not to mention we've lasted 7 years, and that's pretty good these days. I completed a 4 year university degree (surely that must mean I'm smart!). I got a teaching degree and achieved the highest rating possible (yeah see, I must be smart ;). I taught for two years and loved it, I've learnt to cook and clean and wash (which is quite the achievement, trust me). But the biggie is I've given birth twice and I'm even going to squeeze in a third time! That is when I'm pretty sure... no definite, that my 20's have just flown from then on. My babies have been a huge part of my 20's. HUGE! So clearly, I haven't just sat around, in fact I've been quite busy. I have not wasted them.

So please, feel free to remind me next year when I'm freaking out about turning 30, that I have not wasted my 20's, but on the contrary, I've been busy and time flies when you're having fun. But I definitely want to savour every year, every moment from now on with my family. Babies don't stay babies for ever and I don't want to miss a minute of it while I worry about turning 30.
Besides, I will have plenty of time later (i'm talking much, much later) to travel the world and spend all of Joe's hard earned money and the kids inheritance ;) Ha! I say that now, but after watching a segment on '60 minutes' on Sunday night about empty nesters and the difference between the ones that were loving their new found freedom, and those that were struggling with the emptiness (of children no longer at home), guess who was balling their eyes out when feeling like they would totally relate to couple number two? I'll give you a hint, it wasn't Joe.

So I'm going to suck it up, embrace 29, live in the moment and enjoy what I have- a beautiful family and a great new pair of shoes for my birthday...